It's funny how people give you their opinions, regardless whether or not you want to hear them. Yesterday as I was sitting at my desk working, a patient that I have taken care of for years came up to talk to me. I have breast cancer items all over my desk and most of my patients have figured out through word of mouth (or HIPAA violations) that I have cancer. I have been very open about telling everyone, and the bald head is kind of a giveaway. The first words out of this woman's mouth were "Sara, what the hell did you do to your hair?" I wanted to slap her, but instead I just gave her a straight face and told her that this was not a fashion statement. She then says "Well, what is it then." I proceeded to tell her that I have breast cancer and my hair was falling out from my chemo, so I shaved my head. She then paused, felt like an idiot, and told me I looked cute. It's hard to believe she really thought I looked cute when her first words started with "What the hell..."
Today I had several patients make up for the shortcomings of this patient yesterday. We have a husband and wife that have been my patients for years. How cancer happens to more than one person in one family at a time baffles me. Anyways, I went to talk to the husband who was getting chemo in the treatment room. He thought I looked like a runway model. Ha!! The two of them went on and on about how cute they thought my hair was. He had no clue that I shaved it because I too was on chemo. We had a long talk about my diagnosis and I went back to my desk. It's patients like them that make me stay in oncology. He is not doing well and they wanted to offer ME support. They both check on me every time they come in to see how I'm feeling.
There are certain patients that call me through out the day that make my day better. They could call and not really have anything to say and the simple fact that they called makes everything better. One of these patients is named John. I have taken care of him for about 3 years. He battled head and neck cancer, then Lymphoma, and now head and neck cancer again. He is currently on hospice care, living out the rest of his life at home alone. He has never been married or had any children. He has a father that is still alive and a sister, both of whom live hours away from him. He has been like a grandfather to me. Every time he would come in the office he would have to come and see me, just to chat. A few years ago we bought him a microwave for Christmas because he desperately needed one and surprised him with it. We have built quite a friendship over the years. When he called me today it made my heart smile. I had been wanting to call him but I wasn't sure if he was well enough to answer the phone. He told me that he loved me, that he was thinking about me every day and praying for me. He told me that I was beautiful to him with or without hair, and that if I would have asked him he would have shaved it for me! I filled him in on all of the latest office gossip (babies being born, people leaving) and told him how much I missed him. This conversation meant more to me that most of the rest of my week combined.
In this cancer journey I am learning things as a nurse and as a cancer survivor that will make me a better person. I am learning that the only people that have a clue what I am going through are the people that have been through it. It helps me to be a better nurse, and better care for my patients. I has also made me much closer to many of my patients than I ever would have been before. I can sympathize with their symptoms, their concerns, and their fears. I feel like I assess my patients better and ask more questions than I would have before.
But...if you ask me what the hell I did to my hair and then call me later for a refill on your sleeping pills I may make you wait until the next day to tell you that you have refills at your pharmacy. Sorry.
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