The beginning

Today is just like any other day. I woke up, fed my kids, ate breakfast, had my coffee, but then instead of going to work I went for my yearly breast MRI. I am a 31 year old energetic mom of twin girls and have the BRCA 1 mutation, which means I have a really high risk of getting breast cancer. My mother had it, my grandmother had it. Blah blah blah. I have mammograms yearly and MRIs yearly so that they alternate every 6 months. I have been doing this every year since I was 26.  So why does today feel different?
On my way to the scan I was listening to my ipod. I told myself that if the song "Im Going to Love You Through It" by Martina McBride came on, the results would be bad. But if not, I was good.  The song never came on.  The scan was easy, as always.  I went back to work, finally ready to start my day.  I had a feeling driving to work that there was going to be something abnormal in my left breast.  Whether it be a cyst or cancer, something was there. I could not feel it, there was no pain.  I just knew.  I have never had anything abnormal show up on that side so I kept telling myself that this thought was stupid...until I got the call a few hours later from my OB/GYN that there was something on the left side and I needed a biopsy.  SHIT! 
Now, I am oncology nurse and have known about my cancer risk for years.  I have prepared myself for losing my breasts and my hair.  My husband offered me his nipples on our third date. No thanks, but I WILL marry you someday. Knowing what I know has not made today any easier.  Here's where the perks of being an oncology nurse come in...
I got off the phone with my OB/GYN and immediately had our medical records people get the copy of my MRI.  I then took it to the doctor I work for.  He looked at the report and his jaw dropped and he says "Who's the patient?"  I said "Me." He then said a few curse words and wanted to know when my biopsy was scheduled.  I was waiting on the other Dr. to call the surgeon and call me back with a time.  We would soon find out that she was out of the country for the next week. They made me an appt for her first day back in the office.  Dr. Truong was not pleased with that and called the place I had the MRI and pulled some strings to get a biopsy done today.  My drive there was sort of a meltdown.  I am not ready to have cancer.  Did I mention my twins are only 8 months old?? What if I die before they really know me and dont have any memories of me? What if Im not around to see their first day of Kindergarten, their high school Prom, their graduation, their weddings?
OK, snap out of it.  The biopsy went well. No lifting my babies for 2 days, which will be terrible, but hopefully everything went well.  The results will be back at 1:00 tomorrow. 
Talk to you tomorrow!!