My week from hell...and the hospital stay to follow.

On Monday of this week I was still feeling really lousy from chemo and decided not to go to work. Well, I still had to go in to have lab done and get hydration but I didn't do any actual work.  My white blood cell count had dropped to a whopping 0.5 with this treatment. (Normal is about 5-10). So that explains why I feel like shit.  Throughout the week I continued to feel terrible. I had no energy, nausea, body aches, blah blah blah.  On Thursday I went to see the doctor and my white count was still low, I got some more hydration, and was sent on my merry way.  The new plan was that I wouldn't be getting my Taxol treatment starting on Monday as planned and it would be changing from every 2 weeks to weekly to help with side effects. I went home feeling lousy and like a huge pussy. Really? Is chemo really this hard? Why am I such a pain in the ass!
Thursday evening my nose began to run in mass amounts and my cough returned (that I seem to have had for about 6 weeks). My poor husband has stayed home all week to help take care of me and the girls (I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own) and I asked my mom to come help Friday afternoon and evening so that he could go to work.  I huffed and puffed the whole time she was there and after we attempted to eat dinner she ended up calling Gary home from work to take me to ER. I couldn't breathe.

So here I am at 530 in the morning wide awake sitting in my hospital room where I have since been admitted for pneumonia. I have not slept a wink, I am starving and there is no meal in my near future.  This pneumonia is apparently concerning enough that I have to have a bronchoscopy this morning.  I am slightly terrified, but more hungry than anything. I want something really greasy to eat, covered in some kind of sauce, and then some more sauce, with a side of Bloody Mary (or three).  I haven't threatened to kill anyone for food just yet but I was told not to eat my pillow.

I have had wonderful care here, from the ER people at St. Theresa to the EMS that transported me to St. Francis, to the wonderful nurses on 7N (some of which I used to work with when I worked here). I'm not a prayer person. I don't really understand it all but I'm currently accepting prayers. I'm currently feeling worse than I had ever thought I would feel through chemo. It's scary when you can't breathe and feel like you are dying and only 31.  I know this is just another kink in my road that will make me stronger but I'm getting really tired of kinks. I want a day of feeling good. And a greasy meal.  Please!?!