Bye Bye Boobies

Today is the big day. Im trading in my 34Ds for a chance at being cancer free. I guess it's worth it! I think my entire family, friends and coworkers are handling this much worse than me. I have had my moments but feel pretty calm and relaxed going into surgery. My husband may disagree.  I have not really ever been nervous for surgery.  It seems pretty standard. You have surgery, you are sore, you get less sore, you feel better.  Only in this instance all of the "you's" are now "me's".  I have seen Dr. Cusick for several years now in the hopes that I would have my family, and then a prophyllactic mastectomy and then never have to get cancer. I had already met with a plastic surgeon even to discuss options. I met with Dr. Cusick after my husband and I struggled for only 6 months to get pregnant. I was in a panic that I would get breast cancer before I could have kids and then wouldnt be able to have kids at all. She told me that I had plenty of time and not to worry. (We laughed about that and how wrong she was in my appt a few weeks ago.) Her nurse practitioner stayed in the room longer and told me it would be reasonable to start exploring why we werent getting pregnant.  I am so glad that we did that or I would be going into surgery without children and pregnancy would no longer be a safe option.
I kissed my kids goodbye and gave my mom a hug.  I made her watch the girls during surgery because I knew she would be a nervous wreck and it would keep her occupied.  I took off for the surgery center with my loving husband. My dad drove all the way from Pueblo, Colorado the day after a major snowstorm to sit in the waiting room for hours.  I walked in sporting my brand new hot pink shoes, my workout pants, and my hot pink shirt that reads "Nobody cares if you finish first. Walk with courage. Run fearlessly. Finish with strength."  It seemed appropriate today.
So far as a cancer patient I have learned many things.  I enjoy every day that I am given and I soak up every moment of time with my family. I also now understand what my patients are going through and can relate to them much better. I hope this makes me a wonderful nurse.  I also have learned that I do not want to be defined by cancer. I will not sit around and complain about the cards I was dealt. This journey is going to make me a better person and I am going to absorb every bit of wisdom that I can. I hope I can inspire my patients and show them that they too can do this! I allow myself only minimal of time to "dwell." I dont want to end up like a certain family member that only focuses on the negative and makes any situation about her. I want to hold my head high and proud.  I am PROUD to be a cancer survivor.  I am COURAGEOUS, I am STRONG, and I am crying while I type this. Damn.
Surgery went well and the Dilaudid PCA was even better.  These drains are going to be a huge pain in my ass. There are 2 on each side and they are not comfortable at all.  My entire chest is numb so the incisions across each breast are painless...for now. We shall see what tomorrow brings! Goodnight!

This is my best friend since high school. April is the most amazing friend a girl could have. She sent me this picture the night before my surgery to show her support. I love her so much!

 

I had to have my sentinal node injected with dye prior to checking in a the surgery center.

Waiting for surgery!!